Absence makes the waist grow slimmer

Well at least that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Hope you’re all well! Haven’t seen you for a while, come on in and take a load off. Now, most of my new Melbourne friends won’t have any idea what this is all about, so a quick rundown for the newbies in the audience. A while back, I started a blog to keep myself motivated about losing weight/getting healthy. I go through stages of posting often and posting seldom. I’m going to take another punt at high frequency posting and see how I go.

So, I guess all of you old hats are wondering how I’ve been going lately? Well I haven’t been sitting around twiddling my thumbs. I’m still going to the gym, just haven’t gotten my groove back from when I left Sydney yet. I’ve found that I’m fitting into clothes I haven’t worn in YEARS, which is an amazing feeling. I have dropped a couple of sizes since my last post, and have thrown out several items that just don’t fit anymore. I am desperately in need of new work clothes, but I figure I’ll wait a little longer before going on a shopping spree. I can rock the baggy shirt look for a while right…. Right?

   

Weight: 107.5kg

Muscle percentage: 39.1%

Fat percentage: 36.5%

Goal progress: 48.2%

Ok, so I am clearly not going to reach my goal by my birthday (see last post). However, if I get back into double digits in the next month, I’ll be satisfied. Am nearly half way!! It’s interesting that the fat/muscle percentages are hovering around the same numbers. I guess there’s just.. less of me?

El Bloggo - south of the border

HELLO! Reporting from breezy Melbourne, folks. So clearly there’s been another large lapse here. Circumstances being what they are, I haven’t had a lot of time on my hands. However, was discussing my blog with a mate the other day and decided it’s time to get back into it. Things that have happened in the last couple of months:

Moved interstate. Scary but awesome.

Went on a cruise filled with fun and frivolity.

Started a new job, which is taking up rather a lot of time.

So there ya go. Now that I’m in a new city, I of course switched gyms. There is a great 24 hour gym a couple blocks from my apartment, which happens to be on the way home from work. Slight issue, my gym gear doesn’t fit into my briefcase #firstworldproblems. As I’ve been running around buying things for the new place, getting used to the new work structure and generally settling in, I haven’t been very gym-focused, but next week this will be changing.

How is the weight going, you ask?

Weight: 113kg

Muscle percentage: 38.9%

Fat percentage: 37%

Goal progress: 35.5%

Oh yeah! More than a third of the way, people! I realise it’s taken me a year of false starts, mishaps and tribulations to get here, but the good news is that it’s still creeping on down. I have given myself an end date. I want to reach my goal by my 28^th birthday. This means that I have roughly 18 weeks to lose a further 28kg. I think I can do it. I’m sure as shit gonna try.

One thing that’s going to work to my advantage (at least at first) is that my social network is much smaller down here than it was in Sydney. I just don’t have as much stuff to do with my spare time, so I’ll be able to devote myself more to my health. Let’s see how it goes, eh?

Snaps For Exercise!

Hi readers, I hope you’re all having a lovely evening. Something weird, and altogether disturbing has been happening this past week – I FEEL GREAT! I don’t mean the regular kind of great where you’ve had 6 tequila shooters and are dancing on a table like an idiot without a care in the world. I’m talking an honest to God, natural high… Different…

For some reason, my body has decided that this is the week it’s going to surrender and actually get into this whole exercise thing. As a wise woman once said:

Well, in this case only the first half applies. Scratch that, I didn’t shoot any husbands this week – hurrah! It started about Wednesday, after my gym session. I had taken another shot at those gruelling intervals, but this time I didn’t feel like vomiting, fainting, or drinking copiously afterwards. Instead of the usual pains and groaning, I felt full of beans. Then on Thursday I had a real twilight zone moment – I finished work and left the office with a spring in my step, practically skipping to the train station, and thought to myself ‘Wow, I can’t wait to get to the gym!’’ Okay, STOP the music.

What

The

Fuck

No, really – where did that come from? *looks around for signs of foul play*. I.. I can’t believe it. The part of my brain that’s always going on about healthy eating must have hired a new guy behind my back – the motivation to exercise guy! HOW DID HE GET A SECURITY PASS?! Well we’re not paying him, he can go on a six month probation and then we’ll see.

Not only have my energy levels sky-rocketed, but I feel more motivated in general. Do you know what I did this weekend? Take a guess. I cleaned out the kitchen cupboards, spray n wiped the bejeezus out of them, then rearranged everything and put it back. We have 2 spare shelves now. RIDICULOUS!

Weight: 116.3kg

Muscle percentage: 37.9%

Fat percentage: 40.9%

Goal progress: 27.9%

Ladies and gentlemen, we have cracked the quarter way milestone! Two more kilos and I’ll be a third of the way to my goal weight, and further along this crazy path than I’ve been before. Another side effect of the energy I’ve had is that I got all experimental in the gym. Wow, that could go so many ways…. This week I tried it all – treadmill, bike, cross trainer, weights, stretches; I even did some *shudder* crunches. Luckily, I then discovered that my gym has this strange stand thing with handles where you hold on with your arms at 90 degree angles like you’re driving. You then lift your legs up to your chest – I much prefer this to sit ups.

Fingers crossed this is not a clever passive aggressive technique that my body is pulling, whereby it plans to raise my hopes then pull the motivational rug out from under me. I guess only time will tell.

Intervals - The Devil's Nectar

Alright, so you’ll all be totally shocked to hear that I did not exercise each morning this week. As Iago once said (Disney, not Shakespeare): “Oh, THERE’S a big surprise. That’s an incredible- I think I’m gonna have a heart attack and DIE from not surprise.” I only managed it one morning, and that was on the weekend. Bleugh. As self-punishment, I decided to do something that I have been putting off. This evening, I tried running intervals for the first time. Holy. Shit. I mean, HOLY shit.

For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, this is where you alternate speeds between walking/jogging and running/sprinting. I did two minutes fast walking, one minute running, two minutes fast walking, two minutes running. Wash, rinse, repeat for half an hour. Finished up with 10 minutes of moderate walking to cool down. This method is supposed to be extremely effective. Yeah, effective in making me feel like this:

Now, these numbers are still from Sunday, even though I’ve been slack and haven’t posted until Tuesday:

Weight: 118.2kg

Muscle percentage: 38.4%

Fat percentage: 38.4%

Goal progress: 23.5%

That’s more like it. None of this no-movement-on-the-scales crap like last week. Am going to keep doing the intervals this week and see if the rumours are true. My body is not liking me right now, but hey – price you pay, right? Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m gonna go hurl…

Food Fail

Ah, bugger. Alas, I lost no weight this week, readers.

Weight: 119.8kg

Muscle percentage: 38.8%

Fat percentage: 36.9%

Goal progress: 19.8%

I think I can attribute this almost entirely to my nutritional habits of late. I still exercised every day for an hour, but the stuff that was going in was far worse than last week! Market trends saw a spike in pizza and alcohol consumption, culminating in a peak on Sunday in the form of Yum Cha and beer. Yikes! You know what though? It was pretty awesome, and I don’t apologise for it. I am almost certain that the increase in exercise made me automatically crave bad food, and I may have been a bit too lax in my indulgence of these cravings.

I am going to ATTEMPT (note the use of the word ‘attempt’) some morning exercise this week. It’ll be early to bed tonight, and early to gym tomorrow. God help me. I hate morning exercise. I am not a morning person in the slightest. My brain doesn’t even begin to function properly until about 10:30am.

A question for the group! What forms of exercise do you like the least? SUB-question – do you force yourself to do them, or avoid them entirely? Am beginning to wonder if that’s a key element….

Runnin', runnin' and runnin', runnin'

Hey everybody, hope you’ve all had a great first week of 2012. If the Mayans were right, it’s all downhill from here, so enjoy it while you can. For my first week back into fitness training, I decided not to go too overboard, and stuck to one simple form of exercise – the humble treadmill. Now, Treaddy Freddy and I have had our differences – mostly due to the fact that I find the treadmill INCREDIBLY BORING. In all honesty, if I had a party I would probably conveniently forget to invite it. This week, however, I had a secret weapon. One that I thought I would never, ever use. If you will allow me to digress for a moment; for Christmas, I received a Kindle.

I have always been the loudest anti-Kindle advocate, staunchly upholding the view that it will never replace books. Who would have thought that the ledge on the front of the treadmill appears magically to be precisely Kindle-sized? I took it with my on my first night and, being engrossed as I was in my book, before I knew it I had been going for an hour and had burnt 700 calories! (The kindle helpfully blocks the display with all the flashing numbers). Fancy that!
So every day this week, that has been my exercise. I haven’t drastically altered my eating patterns yet, one thing at a time. I did make a conscious effort to cut out sugar, and to eat smaller meals throughout the day instead of large infrequent ones. Now, drumroll please:

Weight: 119.8kg

Muscle percentage: 39.6%

Fat percentage: 34.1%

Goal progress: 19.8%

Aw yeah! What a great incentive my first week back – lost 2.4kg, and body fat is down by 8.4%. Now as you may be aware, the body fat calculator on the scales is always a bit dodgy, but hey it’s down, right? Earlier in the week, I did the thing you’re never supposed to do, which is weigh yourself every day. This will always end in tears, especially if you’ve never exercised before, or are coming back to it after a cessation. First, the scales will drop due to the dehydration you initially experience. Then, after the body rights itself and the numbers go up again, you can get upset and lose hope. My advice to anyone who’s trying to lose weight is to weigh oneself once a week on the same day, around the same time.

So guys, this week I’m going to keep reading away on the treadmill and see how far it gets me. I think for the first jolt back into it, that’ll be sufficient for now.

It's Baaa-aaaack!

Hello! Why readers, how the hell are you? Clearly you thought you’d heard the last of me. Even I did. HOWEVER, the time has come to pick up where we left off, and try again. As I’ve made a lot of new friends in the past 5 months, many people reading this will be wondering what the hell I’m going on about. Never fear, read back and you’ll discover that I am getting back to basics with my weight loss plan. Speaking of where we left off, this is where I was in August:

Weight: 116.2kg
Muscle percentage: 38.1%
Fat percentage: 44.5%
Goal progress: 28.1%

This is where I am now. *Cringes while typing*

Weight: 122.2kg
Muscle percentage: 37.4%
Fat percentage: 42.5%
Goal progress: 14.3%

Wait…. What?! Ok, so I’ve put on 6kg - this is not unexpected, and could be much worse. However, muscle percentage has shifted by less than 1% and my fat percentage has gone down…. Bizarre. So that y'all don't have to scroll back if you don't want to, the goals here are 85kg, and less than 18% body fat. Most of you will be rolling your eyes thinking that this is a new year’s resolution that’s going to crash and burn, and perhaps you’re right. Only one way to find out!

Game changers – ok, so around my birthday I did take up smoking again. I struggled with it for a while, even read the book again with mild success. What’s that thing that Marshall from How I Met Your Mother always says to preface such statements? Oh yeah – SWEEPING DECLARATION!!!! – Today I smoke my last cigarette. I have also purchased a sleep machine, which has been working wonders for my sleepapnoea. Check it, I get to sleep with this on every night:

Sexy, right? :-/

I won’t lie, it’s kinda shit to climb into bed and strap a mask to your face each night, but hey – it seems to be working, and I have much more energy than I used to.

Stay tuned for next week’s adventures!

No Time to Waist

Yes readers, I skipped a week again. Bad blogger *slaps wrist*

….. *rubs wrist, keeps typing*

Have you ever had one of those days where you’ve got so much on your plate that things start falling off the edge, leaving greasy stains on the tablecloth that you just KNOW are never going to come out? Well, for me that’s been happening for about two weeks. I haven’t had time to even do a full load of laundry in one go. There’s a pile of un-ironed clothing in the corner looking at me very reproachfully.

While I didn’t do a full blog post last week, I did weigh myself on Monday, and found that I’d lost about 4kg. On the official weigh in today though, most of it has come back on. I think that stress has had a large part to do with that. Yo-yoing weight, weird energy spikes and troughs and bad sleep has been par for the course lately.

Weight: 116.2kg

Muscle percentage: 38.1%

Fat percentage: 44.5%

Goal progress: 28.1%

Clearly, if I continue at this rate, I am not going to hit my mini-goal of 50% by my birthday. My question to you all this week – when you are time poor, what methods do you use to eat healthy and exercise? One friend of mine suggested putting exercise into my work day schedule, as in – my work day isn’t over until I’ve done some physical activity. This way, you remove the mental block of 'Oh jeez, I just got home from work, I'm buggered, I don't want to exercise'. Instead, when you get home you've still got stuff to do before you can relax into your evening. What tips and tricks work for you? Do you do ten crunches before bed? Walk around the block after dinner? Precook large portions of healthy food and freeze them for the week?

Since I am still not losing weight at the rate I would like, I am determined to do some kind of exercise every day this week, to see what effect it has. I don’t mean I’m going to go crazy and run ten miles a day (people, let’s get real here), but I am going to do at least 20 minutes of whatever I can fit in, whenever I can fit it in, each day.

Plateau? Don't Mind If I Do

So, I got to thinking this week about how my progress has gone. I know I keep track of things each week, but I feel as if I haven’t really moved much over the past couple of weeks. To put things into perspective, I made a basic spread sheet. As my co-workers all know, I’m quite fond of spread sheets. Here is how I’m tracking:

According to market trends, overall weight is on a downturn. This is good for my health, but bad for the economy. As you can see, from about June 13th to present day, there has only been a net loss of 1kg. This kinda sucks. The good news is that it looks like the plateau is coming to an end, with current weight at an all-time low.

Weight: 117kg

Muscle percentage: 37%

Fat percentage: 42.8%

Goal progress: 26.3%

So in light of these figures, I am going to change my habits a little bit – I think it’s time to shake things up! I am still going to eat small meals throughout the day, because I think that works well for me (when I remember!) however, diet content is going to change. I’m not going to officially do this whole no carb/ high protein diet any more. I don’t generally eat a lot of carbs anyway, for example I never cook pasta for myself. They won’t be off the menu any more though. I’m going to go for what I perceive to be healthy options, e.g. wholegrain bread, dark green vegetables, low fat cheese, that kind of thing. Since I will be re-introducing sugar, I will do it slowly and sensibly. I might have a glass of fruit juice in the morning, for instance. If anyone has any myth-busters about supposedly ‘healthy’ foods, now’s the time to put your two cents’ worth in.

There you have it folks. This week I’m going to focus on the fact that while the slope is not as steep as I would like, at least it’s sloping in the right direction, eh?

Ain't Nothin' Gonna Break My Stride

Hey readers, how’s it going? Got some shock-value news for you – I’ve actually used the gym in my building more than once in a week! You’d think it would be more of an incentive to just get dressed in gym gear and TAKE THE ELEVATOR down to the internal gym than to actually go jogging on the street. Better even than packing a bloody gym back with work clothes, getting a train, and going to the gym near work in the mornings, i.e. getting up at some ridiculous hour like 6:30?! (Hey, I live in the city. Waking up a half an hour before work starts is one of the perks, and I pay dearly for it, so don’t look at me like that.)

But yes, I explored my exercise options this week, with different forms of indoor and outdoor activities. Turns out, jogging in my neighbourhood isn’t the best idea. For one thing, it’s very hilly. I don’t like hills. Sure, I don’t gasp like a choking mongoose when running uphill anymore because my lungs are clogged, but it’s still not a pleasant experience. Also, you get weird looks. From trendy people. Who are walking faster than you. In heels. No thanks.

Next up was the Fitness First near work. This is the gym I usually go to, and it’s held up pretty well so far. I even tried the one in Newtown on Saturday – it’s like McDonald’s – you know what you’re getting.

Finally, I took a good long couple of sessions to explore the gym/pool in my building *from hereon in referred to as the ‘home gym’*. I came to the conclusion that about 90% of the stuff I do at Fitness First can be achieved using machines in my home gym. The pool, as previously noted, is more of a paddling pool than a lap pool, which is unfortunate. However, there is a sauna and a steam room down there. Noice. Coupled with the fact that I have never seen any of the other residents using the home gym, you don’t get that awkward ‘oh god, people are staring at me sweat like a rhino’ feeling.

In a general spirit of wellbeing, I am considering taking up either yoga or pilates. What are everyone’s thoughts on both? Did it work for you? Was one better than the other? Do you really have to go to the classes, or can you get away with the DVD at home? Any other suggestions?

My last rhetorical question for the evening: I was playing my ipod this evening while training, and I wondered – what kind of music do people listen to when they exercise? I haven’t been bothered to make up a training playlist (hell, I haven’t even been bothered to finish transferring all of my music onto my computer) so occasionally I’ll be running hell for leather on the treaddy, when all of a sudden a nice Norah Jones ballad begins to lilt softly over the headphones. Just curious, is all.

Weight: 117.8kg

Muscle percentage: 38.2%

Fat percentage: 39.4%

Goal progress: 24.4%

Getting there....

You Snooze, You Lose

Greetings readers, how are you all? So as many of you will already know, I got the results of my sleepapnoea study back this week. This is from when I spent a night in the hospital and my sleep was monitored. Not the most fun experience in the world. Lots of electrodes everywhere. The results, while expected, were still a little disquieting. The study is quite involved, so I will just run you through a couple of the main points:

I ‘woke up’ (i.e. my brain technically brought me back to consciousness, not sat up wide awake) 338 times, or an average of 45 times an hour. I didn’t get enough oxygen to the brain for approximately 27% of the time. Finally, to give everyone a chuckle, under the category of ‘Snoring’, the technician wrote ‘Loud and frequent’…. No shit, really?!

In other words, I am now officially diagnosed with full blown, severe sleepapnoea. Thanks Dr. Obvious, I could’ve told you that WITHOUT spending a thousand bucks on hospital visits and specialists. The reason I’m telling you all this is because it does actually tie into my weight loss plans. As I lose weight, the sleepapnoea should get better. It will not cure it, but it will help. So I have another reason to keep up the regime.

However, I am starting to wonder if I shouldn’t shake things up a bit. Ever since I started this blog, friends have been approaching me saying that they tried this diet or that diet and lost insert stupid amount of weight here. So, I’m putting it to you all – what diets worked for you, and why? Any advice is appreciated. I will be weighing up the benefits (HA! Accidental pun) and possibly choosing a new eating plan over the next couple of weeks.

Weight: 118.9kg

Muscle percentage: 37.3%

Fat percentage: 43.7

Goal progress: 21.9%

Hooray, back on the straight and narrow! (boom tish, that’s two) I want to be at least 50% of the way there by my birthday – an average of 2kg a week. It’s not an outrageous goal, but still challenging.

Finally readers, something happened last night that I’m not happy about. I went to a party, had a few drinks, and smoked 4 cigarettes. I honestly don’t know why. The whole time I was smoking them, they tasted like garbage. I didn’t get any enjoyment out of them. I woke up today feeling gross, and with no desire to smoke at all. But there you go – it happened, and I’m here to tell you guys about this kind of stuff. Very strange though.

Going AWOL

Hello everyone. Yes, it’s true – I am completely slack, and didn’t post an entry last week. It wasn’t me, he did it! *Points over to the left*

I’ll be honest, I got to Sunday night and just did not have the time to sit down and write. The part of my brain that does all my self-justification work promised me I’d do it on Monday night. Then Tuesday night. Then Wednesday night. Then he reasoned with me that I was already halfway through the week, so there was no point. This guy is particularly good at his job. He got the corner office very early on in his career.

He has also been working overtime over the past two weeks, because I fell victim to myself multiple times. He convinced me more than once that I was doing really well, so I could afford to loosen up a bit. Well, as I’m sure you’ve realised by now, I don’t do things by halves. I’d call it a full scale diet-mutiny. I ate out. I had booze. I had BREAD! And not just any bread – delicious, sugary WHITE bread. I still did my regular grocery shop and got my little meals all prepared, I just didn’t eat them consistently.

As you can imagine, this has not had the best effect on the numbers, and it has finally happened – I’ve gone backwards:

Weight: 120.3 kg

Muscle percentage: 37.3%

Fat percentage: 43.1%

Goal progress: 18.7%

Not happy, Jan! This is just completely unacceptable behaviour. Corner office guy has been seriously reprimanded for conduct which is in conflict with the company’s best interests. He’s on forced leave, probably fuming on a beach somewhere. The healthy food guy has TEMPORARILY been given his office…

One piece of seriously good news though is that the cigarettes are still gone, and showing no signs of returning. I had one evening when a strong craving washed over me (I was rather drunk, go figure) but once I stopped and examined the situation, the moment passed and I went on enjoying my night. I have an app on my phone which is quite interesting, you set the date that you quit, and it gives you statistics on your progress. For example, I haven’t had a cigarette in just over 3 weeks. I’ve saved $376, and did not smoke what would ordinarily have been 588 cigarettes. Apparently my circulation is improving, and my lung function is increasing.

I did also use the pool in my building this week – it’s a bit small to do laps, though. Hmmm, shall have to scope out local pools…

Down With the Sickness

Readers, I post you this blog from my sickbed. I currently have a flu that has been slowly getting worse all week. Overnight the infection spread from my blocked ear to my eyes, so I woke up with my eyes glued shut. Fun times. Who wants to volunteer to bring soup?! *Warning, volunteers may contract plague*. Clearly, due to the coughing fits, I have not exercised at all this week, and it certainly shows:

Weight: 118.4kg

Muscle percentage: 38.5

Fat percentage: 40.6

Goal progress: 23%

I am just thanking my lucky stars that the scales didn’t go THE OTHER WAY this week. I have a theory that this flu is due to the sudden cessation of smoking. I have heard tell of friends who have gotten sick when they quit. If this flu is the worst symptom of quitting, I’ll take it. This post is going to be short and sweet – I’m going back to sleep guys.

Catch you all on the flipside.

Free At Last

I can’t quite believe it – the book worked! I don’t even know how to put my elation into words! After all this time, the money I’ve spent, and the miserable previous attempts at quitting, I can finally say that yes, I have stopped smoking permanently. My last cigarette was on Thursday night, and it is now Monday. I haven’t had a single craving, and I know I never will. The things that used to trigger a cigarette are still there, e.g. when I get off the train in the morning and walk to work, my brain still tells me it’s time to pull out a cigarette, but it’s more of a reaction than anything. I turn around (in my head) and think ‘hang on, no it’s not – I don’t smoke any more’ and that’s the end of it.

No screaming, crying, depression or overeating. No telling everyone I’ve stopped, then sneaking out to buy a packet and smoking around the corner. Earlier this week I described it as if the nicotine addicted part of me was behind a wall of soundproof glass – I can see him, he’s going nuts, but I feel nothing. I can now recognise that the big stompy monster in my head had a secret – there were TWO of them! He had a sidekick – the little nicotine monster. I thought there was just one big angry guy, who encapsulated nicotine addiction and the psychological need to smoke. However, now that I know what’s going on, I’ve booted out the big angry one, and strapped the little nicotine one to a chair, with duct tape over his mouth.

The book describes how nicotine addiction and withdrawal itself is actually so mild that you barely feel the withdrawal symptoms. Any current smoker reading this is going to think I’ve gone off my rocker. It’s all the stuff in your head that makes quitting so horrible. The book takes you through all this stuff, and helps you deal with it one thing at a time, so that when you read the last page, you really can’t remember why you ever wanted to smoke in the first place! Here's the book - if you smoke, you should read it. Don't worry, he doesn't try and scare you, there's not really much talk of cancer or anything like that. But it does work.

So now I can keep going with the diet, and have more energy (and lung capacity) to exercise and not feel like a social pariah. I actually had lunch INSIDE a café on the weekend! Not on the fiddly little tables out the front in the freezing cold!

Weight: 118.4kg

Muscle percentage: 37.1%

Fat percentage: 41%

Goal progress: 23%

I am slightly concerned that the weight loss is slowing down somewhat. I know that as you lose weight, it starts to happen slower and slower, but I figured I’d get at least half way to my goal before I started slowing down. I am going to have to bump up the fitness regime a little, I think. Also, you’ve probably noticed a new category above. I’m adding another marker to my KPIs – a friend of mine keeps track of his weight loss as a percentage of his goal. Here’s what I mean – I started off weighing 128.4kg. My goal weight is 85kg. The amount I need to lose overall is therefore 43.4kg. I have now lost exactly 10kg… holy shit – milestone! How’d I miss that? Anyway, so 10kg as a percentage of 43.4kg is 23%. This means that I’m 23% to my goal!

As some of you may know, I moved last weekend. I now live in the city, and have a much shorter commute to work. This translates to a little more free time each day. I also now have a gym and a pool in my building. Talk about no excuse not to exercise – you need to walk past it to leave the building! So I will endeavour to exercise a little more, and hopefully lose a bit more next week.

Major plusses this week included quitting smoking obviously, and also it marked the first round of compliments. I had 5 people exclaim over the weight loss, and it was awesome! Major negatives this week include the fact that I now REALLY need new jeans, and also the weight loss distribution has had a rather unfortunate side effect – I seem to have lost a lot of weight from my chest, face, neck and waist, but my hips haven’t kept up. Sure, I realise that I’ve lost some weight all over, but my spare tyre now looks rather prominent… ah crap. I have a friend who’s a personal trainer, and she once told me the only way to get rid of that is crunches. Guh. Hate crunches. Crunches can bite my slightly-less-doughy-than-last-week behind. I’ve been happily following the diet and just doing general exercise for the past month, but now it looks like I need to start targeting things.

Until next week, everyone!

Crime & Punishment

Oh readers, I am full of shame. The inevitable has happened, as I predicted (no, not The Rapture – that guy must be kicking himself now, eh?). This past week, I absolutely, positively, irrevocably fell off the wagon. I could lay the blame with the stressful week I’ve had, but I will cop it on the chin. My crimes are listed herein:

Drank alcohol 2 nights

Had 2 days where I didn’t actually eat ANYTHING (even worse than eating crap)

Had day off on Saturday, but also pizza on Wednesday, and bread on Sunday

Failed to give up smoking - spectacular, epic FAIL

As punishment for these crimes, the weight loss Gods have failed to smile on me as much this week as they have in previous weeks.

Weight: 120.1kg

Muscle percentage: 38.2%

Fat percentage: 39.2%

So from last week I’m down 1.8kg and the body fat has shot back down by 7.4%. I am slightly sceptical of the fat percentage measurement – maybe last week when I was on the scales I was unknowingly holding a tub of butter…? Anyway, I was expecting the numbers to be much worse than they turned out to be. All week I felt guilty, but too tired to care. I swear, the energy levels better improve soon or I’m going to go to the nearest bakery, stuff myself full of every kind of bread they have, then wash it down with a slushie. Maybe even TWO, Rowena! ;-)

Joking aside, I really am quite upset with myself that quitting smoking didn’t work. I didn’t even last a day. Not exactly the huge success that I was hoping for. I shouldn’t be too surprised, I’ve been a pack a day smoker for 8 years. I’ve tried patches, gum, lozenges, Champix, Zyban, nothing’s worked so far. THAT part of my brain - he’s huge. He stomps around and orders everyone else about. Thinks he’s king shit. He really does need to be put into his place, but no one has the guts (except the part that champions healthy eating, but as we all know, nobody listens to him).

I am just going to start again tomorrow, and keep going til it works. I’ve got two more aces up my sleeve. The first is a book that I was told about by a friend. It’s called Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Quit Smoking. It supposedly has magical powers. I actually once read about half of it, and found that cigarettes were starting to taste bad, and that I didn’t want to light up nearly as often. Of course, as with many of my past self-improvement schemes, I never finished it. This time, the book will be read cover to cover, and I will see if laser beams fly from the pages and vanquish the nicotine demon.

ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz…..

Hello again everyone. I would like to start this post off by talking about some of the drawbacks of this new eating plan that I’m on. Yes, I’m still on it – I AM, don’t look at me like that!!

Firstly, even though it seems simple, it does impact your social life a little bit. I have been pretty lucky so far; I went out for dinner three times this week and also to a BBQ this weekend. I managed to find things at each place that I could eat. The way it becomes problematic is that you have to scan through all the delicious forbidden foods on the menu in order to find the ones you can have. The cunning part of my brain teamed up with the part that was craving carbs - they hatched a plan that I could just say it was my day off at each occasion. I had to separate them and made them both sit up the front of the class where I could keep an eye on them.

That’s another thing – carbs. I have a friend who goes on and off carbs depending on whether she feels she needs to lose weight at the time or not. Whenever it’s an ‘off carbs’ time, all she talks about is missing said carbs. I never got it, until now. I have been craving sugar and bread. I don’t even particularly LIKE sugar. Even before I started the diet, many of you will know that I completely avoided chocolate, and would rarely order dessert. On Tuesday this week, despite the cold weather, I walked past a 7 Eleven on the way to work, and could have murdered a slushie. The feeling was overwhelming. So, when my day off arrived on Friday, I walked in and got the biggest one they had. For breakfast. At 7:30am. On an 11 degree day. I didn’t care. God, it was good! On a sidenote, when you don’t have sugar all week, then hit the sugariest drink you can find, the rush is awesome!

Another drawback is that when you’re at a party, and everyone’s got a beer/wine/soft drink/tang, you’re standing there with a glass of water, which kinda sucks. While we’re on the subject of water, a strange phenomenon has been occurring – I’m one of those people who drink inordinate amounts of water. You know the ones. You wonder if they might be leaking from somewhere, and have to keep their fluids up to compensate. Or quite possibly they’re mer-people in disguise. However, since I’ve started the diet, I have been interested in water less and less. This is particularly BAD, as you need to drink heaps of water while eating this way. I’ve had to up the tea factor to stay hydrated. You can get really dry skin and cracked lips if you don’t chug down plenty of H2O. I’ve also come across another bad side effect of not drinking enough water – I’ve been getting annoying headaches. Not really bad ones, just little twinges. They’re not debilitating, but they’re painful.

The last, and most irritating side effect that I’m going to talk about today, is energy levels. Now, I’m used to fluctuations in this department, due to my sleepapnoea. Some days I wouldn’t have slept at all, and would float through the day on a caffeinated high. Usually though, I can combat the worst of these times by getting a red bull or a coke or SOMEthing.. This past week has been pretty bad – not only was work crazy busy, but I couldn’t turn to energy drinks for help when I was feeling a little lethargic, and there’s only so much black coffee you can drink in one day before you feel a little ill. I was so freaking tired all week.

So, with all that out of the way, it’s time for the weigh in.

Weight: 121.9kg

Muscle percentage: 36.5%

Fat percentage: 46.6%

So there’s good and bad news this week folks – my weight has gone down by 3.2kg (woo hoo!), but the fat percentage has shot up by 6.5%. Hmmm. Stay tuned for next week’s episode, and tales of how I go with no smokes!

Tightening the belt

Readers, these are exciting times! About halfway through this week, I realised that while walking around the office, I had to keep pulling my pants back up (not all the way up, you dirty minded people). It took me a while to notice, because it’s not exactly familiar territory for me. At first, it didn’t occur to me to do anything about it except to continue to stick my thumbs into my waistband, and hike it on up. Then I had a crazy idea – I did my belt up a notch tighter! What a novel feeling! I was walking on air for the rest of the day.

Looks like it’s starting to work! On Monday morning I also had a bit of an epiphany while ordering my morning coffee from my ridiculously good looking barista – I… um… mmm hot barista… what? Oh right – I had spent all of last week getting cappuccinos – BIG no no. So this week I’ve been getting black coffee without sugar. And now, for the reveal:

Weight: 125.1kg

Muscle percentage: 37.8%

Fat percentage: 40.1%

So I’m down 2.7kg and 3.6% body fat this week – hell yeah! Bits are falling off me! You’ll all be pleased to know that I didn’t go crazy on my day off this week. I DID indulge in my biggest food weakness – McDonald’s. This was no ordinary visit to the golden arches though. Generally I’ll order about five burgers, two of which will be my favourite, the double quarter pounder. I managed to satisfy my craving with a quarter pounder meal. It tasted amazing. Since this week I still wasn’t up to the vegetable stage of the diet, I found myself on the morning of my day off thinking 'Woohoo, salad!' It was a strange moment. Like when you’re at a great party and the guy in the corner says something totally out of left field. The music inexplicably stops, people stare, it’s all very awkward.

The diet takes a turn starting tomorrow, as I’m allowed to start including vegetables with my mountains of protein. There are definitely exceptions here – no potato, pumpkin, corn, carrot, among other things. As a general rule, you avoid the starchy ones. If anyone is considering jumping on this diet bandwagon, let me know and I’ll send you an email with all the rules. The first rule of diet club is you do not talk about diet club…. I noticed this week that I seem to be naturally walking a bit faster than usual. I’m also getting out of breath less. Speaking of which – starting in June, I’m going for the trifecta: diet, no alcohol except in moderation on my day off (come on guys, I’m not a nun), and NO CIGARETTES. Now THIS should be interesting. The last bastion of my unhealthy lifestyle is going to crumble like a cheap cookie in a fat kid’s chubby little fist. I’m not going to lie; it’s going to be very hard. Food, I can change. Booze, I can avoid. Cigarettes…. Well, let’s just see how I go.

Small Victories

Hello again readers! To start this week’s post, I would first like to thank all of those people who reacted to the news of my blog with overwhelming support, love and kindness. It filled me with so much joy to read your comments, texts and emails, and also a determination to make this thing really work.

I have called this post Small Victories for many reasons, but below is perhaps the definitive one. All of you who know me will agree without a shadow of a doubt that I have a little problem with a foreign concept called will power. Someone explained it to me once, and I came back with “Wait, it means you DON’T do something you really want to do? What on earth FOR?!” Why anyone would adopt such a practice in any area of their lives was beyond me. NOT eat the burger? NOT drink the glass of wine? NOT smoke the cigarette? By the time you’d finished explaining your reasons for doing something like that, I’d have finished the burger, and been sitting back alternating between sips and puffs. Under the religion section on my facebook it says Hedonism. Suffice to say that if you tell me I can’t have something, a small part of my brain sits up, takes notes, and starts plotting on how to get said thing.

About halfway through this week, I left work at about the usual time. I was off in my own world, still thinking about everything I’d done that day, and planning out the following morning. I often walk on autopilot, and so I walked out of the office building and across the street to Hungry Jacks. I was actually in the queue to order before I remembered that I was on a strict eating plan. Ordinarily when something like this happens, the part of my brain (yes, there are many – get to know them, they’re quite nice) that is tirelessly championing me to eat healthily does his little cheer, and tries to convince me to walk out and get a salad. I honestly don’t know why he still works there – the hours are long, the work is hard, and he gets little to no recognition. Anyway, when that happens, I tell him to get back into his corner, and I order three of anything. This time though, I stood there for about two full minutes. I was wracked with indecision. Eventually, I turned around and walked out. It was a very small victory for me, but I like taking small steps.

So, speaking of small victories, the time you’ve all been waiting for – the weigh in. I was very excited tonight when I got the scales out. The stories I’d heard of the weight literally falling off my friends who had tried the diet were flying around in my head, along with the bizarre mental image of bits falling off people.

Weight: 127.8kg

Muscle percentage: 37.1%

Fat percentage: 43.7%

Readers, I won’t lie – I felt a little bit ripped off. How was I supposed to say I had this amazing breakthrough without my clichéd opening line of “You should try it, I lost [insert stupid amount of weight here] in my first week.”? I decided that instead, I would celebrate the fact that for the first time in years I had stepped onto a set of scales, and the number was lower than the time before. I still lost just over half a kilo, and my fat percentage went down by 1%. Woo hoo! Of course, some of this is probably attributed to the fact that I wasn’t a saint in my first week. Surprise, surprise. The hardest part of this diet is actually remembering to eat six times a day. I work in a job where one task flows onto another, so sometimes I stop to look at the clock and half the day is just gone. Some days I only ate four times a day. I ate mostly chicken this week because it’s easy to prepare and pack, along with eggs and cheese. For anyone considering trying this diet, I recommend varying your meat and cheese options. In the weekly shop this time around, I grabbed every type of meat I could get my hands on, and took my time in the dairy section. There are some weird lookin’ cheeses out there. Just sayin’.

I was speaking to my friend this week, and I asked why you’re allowed to eat cheese and cream, but not milk. So apparently, the dieticians took issue with the proteins in cow’s milk. Turns out that we’re not designed to digest them – you know that mucous-y feeling you get in your throat after drinking a glass of milk? That’s actually an immune response! You’d think I’d know that, what with a biology degree under my belt and everything, but it honestly never came up in class. Must be why there are so many lactose intolerant people out there. Also why if you’ve been told you have IBS, the first thing you have to cut out is dairy. During cheese making, the proteins are denatured (means they’re heated up and go all crazy-like) so we don’t react to cheese the same way. I found it was much more fun to eat lots of cheese if you had a large variety. My favourite this week has been Danish fetta.

Another issue I faced this week was that I probably went a little overboard on my day off. On Friday night, I attended a going away dinner for a co-worker of mine, and had decided that to make life easier for everyone I would choose that as my day off. I wasn’t going to drink because of all of the empty calories in alcohol. Early in the evening, one of the guys got a round of tequila for everyone. I was determined to turn mine down gracefully. The bartender started pouring. The smell hit me. My pupils dilated. I got home on Saturday morning at about 8am. Nuff said.

My day off for this coming week has already been allocated to a friend’s birthday party on Saturday, so I will endeavour to be better behaved this time around. I hope you all enjoyed this week’s post, stay tuned for more adventures!

Introduction - the man behind the gut

Welcome, readers. This blog is for all those people out there who, like me, are struggling with weight loss. For the past 4 years, I've been slowly piling on the pounds. Whenever I weighed myself I would shrug and think 'Well, it's not THAT much more than the last time.' It took a couple of reality checks to shake me into gear. The scariest one of these was when I went to my doctor about a constantly upset stomach. She asked a bunch of random questions, and then told me to book in a glucose tolerance test (GTT). Apparently, she thought I might have type 2 diabetes. 'Diabetes?!' I thought, 'That can't be right. Diabetes (well, type 2 diabetes) only happens to people who don't take care of themselves!!' Then I had a sobering realisation - I couldn't remember the last time I'd done any exercise, I had drank nearly every night of the past week, the night before last I'd had 2 double quarter pounders for dinner, and I'd just gone out and bought new jeans two sizes bigger.

Shit just got serious.

So I went for my GTT, and thankfully the results showed that I wasn’t even pre-diabetic – a stage where you don’t have full blown diabetes, but your body is showing signs of the beginning of insulin resistance. As you’ll come to find out, I can be a bit dramatic – so I took the results of my test as a form of near-death experience. I figured that if I didn’t do something soon, I would find myself on a slippery slope. When I thought more closely about it, my weight was already affecting many areas of my life. I have sleepapnoea, which is a syndrome where you don’t get enough oxygen while you’re asleep. To prevent yourself from suffocating, your body’s reaction is to wake you up many times a night. The more weight I put on, the worse it got. Over the past few months I’d had several arguments with my then partner over my health, and endured comments from family and friends – all trying to be helpful, some with a big dose of tough love thrown in as well. I sweat profusely, which is clearly not good for my social life, and now that I’m recently single again, I’m finding it mortifying even considering getting back into the dating arena. When I imagine the possibility of getting undressed in front of someone new, my mind tells me to think about something else, and storms off in a huff. To top it off, last year I also had the incredibly embarrassing experience of walking into a designer clothing store, and not fitting into ANYTHING in the whole place. Cue the movie montage ending with me silently sobbing in the change rooms, surrounded by discarded clothing…

So THAT’S IT.

I am going to kick some serious butt, and start losing weight NOW. Not next week, not when I’m in the mood to go to the gym (which is never), but NOW. My first step is going to be a diet that a friend of mine has been on recently, and swears by. He lost 4kg in the first week, and the person who put him onto it has lost a total of 40kg. This is just the kind of thing I need. It’s a protein based diet:

Six small meals a day, with 150g of protein for each one. No sugar or carbs, so fruit, bread, pasta, vegetables, juice, milk, yoghurt, nuts and cereals are all out. One day a week, you can eat whatever you want. It’s your day off. In the second week you can introduce vegetables, but not starchy ones like potatoes, corn or beet root. In the third week, you can add either 1 piece of wholemeal toast, or 1 cup of rice per day. So, for my first day on the diet I have steamed some lean chicken thigh fillets, hard boiled some eggs, and I have some cottage cheese as well. I will be eating a combination of these spread out through the day as suggested. I’ve also been told that a Monday is the best day to start this kind of thing. Ha - stay tuned to see how this goes down...
I also belong to a gym, so I will be ACTUALLY USING said membership, starting with 3 times per week. I have a panicky sort of desire to start going every day right away, but I know that if I do that, I’ll just end up hurting myself. So to start off with, 3 times a week, and I’ll do more as I get into it.

Now, for the stats. Readers, I know these numbers may shock you, or cause you to run away screaming, but I’m going to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the lard-ridden truth. I went out and bought myself one of those fancy sets of scales that tells you everything from your weight to how many children you’re going to have. After I figured out how to turn them on, and then subsequently, once I’d figured out how to program them, this is what they said to me -

“One at a time, please.”

…. Jokes. What they really said was -

Weight: 128.4kg

Fat percentage: 44.8%

Muscle percentage: 36.7%

I stared down at the scales in astonishment, waiting for them to burst out laughing and say ‘Naaaw, just kidding – here’s your real numbers.’ But they didn’t. They flashed the numbers repeatedly, like a failed exam mark, until I stepped off the scales. The blaring siren may have just been in my head, or possibly outside my window, as I live on a main road. 44.8% body fat!! To put that into context for you, an average male is supposed to be under 19% to be considered a healthy weight. Nearly HALF of what I see in the mirror each morning is blubber. For those of you who haven’t just done the maths in your head, that means I’m carrying around 57.5kg of pure, artery clogging fat. I have friends who freaking WEIGH 57.5kg!!!

Now you know my starting point. I also have an endpoint, a goal that I hope to reach and maintain.

Weight: 85kg

Fat percentage: 18% or less

I don’t know much about average muscle percentages, so will do some research and get back to you on that one.

Aside from the actual numbers, there is another benchmark that I have set – to fit into my Black Shirt. Everyone has something like it – an article of clothing that they love, and look amazing in when they are their ideal weight. Here is a picture of me, wearing said shirt. This was nearly 6 years ago.

For contrast’s sake, here is a picture of me now.

Crazy, huh? So that’s it for now. I hope you enjoy reading about my adventures over the next couple of months. Tips and comments are of course appreciated, or if you want to join in as well and hopefully lose some extra weight, be my guest. The more, the merrier! I will be doing my weigh in once a week and updating the blog after that, but there may be random posts here and there if something really interesting occurs. Or, more likely, if I fall spectacularly off the wagon and need to tell you all about it.